So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
