If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
