I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
