just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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