Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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