He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
