You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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