Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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