I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
