dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
