i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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