I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I am one with the molecules
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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