What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
