i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
