I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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