bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Non-Jews are for practice
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
