I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
