Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
