i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
