you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
