I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
