I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
