That's when you crack a 10am beer
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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