sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
