I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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