my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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