maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize