I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
