Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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