I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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