basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
