ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
