champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
