My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
