Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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