A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
