Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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