girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
