can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
