Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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