I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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