You just made me feel so damn special
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
