____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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