I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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