I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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