i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
