...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
