I only kidnapped one of them. chill
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
