Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
