Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
