I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
