She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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