There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
