Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
