I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
