My cat gives me a boner
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
