Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
