I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
