I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
