dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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