when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
