Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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