Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
